A Proper Goodbye

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

At the end of last week, I attended the funeral of my grandfather.  He was a strong and faithful leader of our family, and sharp as a tack until the very end.  He was 88 years old.  I am going to miss him a lot, but I can only feel gratitude for the amount of time he was given on this earth - and time that we got to share with him.

I won't go into a long eulogy for a man you never got to know - plus we are here to talk about weight loss, right?

The services and trip to San Antonio were last Thursday through Saturday.  The situation was stacked against me.  I'm out of my routine AND out of town, so we will be eating out pretty much the whole time (not that all the eating out is super different from my regular life).  I am sad and feeling all the feelings which make me not want to worry about what I am eating nor the quantity.  Lastly - San Antonio has really good food.  Food that would make for a worthwhile cheat weekend for sure.

But Wednesday night as I gathered my things and tried on all my dresses to see which one seemed best, I thought - wow, these all fit nicely.  My shape is changing even though the pounds haven't exactly come off as quickly and I have a waist, sort of.  What a shame that I will be gone for a few days, eat all the tamales and puffy tacos I can get my hands on, and have a new 5 pounds to lose come Monday.  That fact got me down.  I just finally got my weight back on track from when we went to see grandpa over Labor Day weekend.  Then I thought, wait a second.  If I eat poorly on Thursday then I will be puffed out and bloated on Friday and maybe my dress wont fit so great after all.  Troubled by all these considerations, I loaded my purse with several packs of cocoa roasted almonds and sugar free chocolate and thought to myself, 'I can at least stay off carbs for Thursday'.

So we traveled Thursday and I ate the egg and sausage out of a breakfast croissant, I ate nuggets and a bunless burger as usual for lunch.  We went to Oscar's taco house, which has the best puffy tacos on God's green earth.  I had a bowl of tortilla soup sans tortilla strips, and 1 singular puffy taco - which would be my only splurge of the weekend.  It was glorious.  I got to taste a taco and really enjoy it - but I stayed in control.  I indulged intelligently.

After the success of Thursday, the rest of the weekend was easy to navigate.  I was so proud of the smart choices I made just the day before that I wanted to repeat the feeling.  It is nice to have those thoughts about something positive instead of 'I liked the feeling of stuffing myself with all those puffy tacos, let's repeat that feeling with barbacoa today'.

There is something to be said for self efficacy.  Sometimes we believe so deeply that we are unable to do things that we will sabotage ourselves in order to prove ourselves right.  In my case, no sabotage was ever necessary, I just wouldn't have even tried.  My inner monologue tells me, I can't possibly travel and eat reasonably, that is so much to even ask.  I'm out of town, let the free eating begin!

I don't know if it is low-carb and keto that is just working so well for me, or perhaps I have a more matured perspective about food and its direct correlation to my health outcomes.  I just feel like something is truly changing within me, and I am so grateful to say goodbye to that girl who was a slave to food and her never satisfied appetite.

I am feeling really proud of myself going into this week.  If I can pass up the three tacos plate at Oscar's, who knows what my limitations are??  I may just beat this weight problem at long last!


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