Welp, here we are at week 11 and I am proud to say I am officially down 10 pounds this morning! I wish I felt more excited for this milestone, but I'm thinking maybe it is fine if I am not. Firstly, I was frankly shocked to see the scale where it was this morning after all the junk and sugar I ate over the weekend. I assumed I wouldn't get there. Then just thinking it is week 11 and I am only down 10 pounds, so I am behind schedule on the pound a week minimum I was trying to reach. I'm just feeling in a slump or a funk lately, I don't know.
This week I just feel like doing a brain dump rather than the old format of positives vs things to improve upon.
I am proud of myself for working towards this goal consistently since January. There is something to be said for momentum, and how as the weeks tick up one by one, I am a little more dedicated to not quit. Quitting isn't even something I think about ever. It is more like 'quit what exactly?' because I still do everything I want to do or don't want to do, except tracking without fail. The act of tracking and wanting to stay reasonably within my calorie limit during the week is the sole reason for my success to date.
The last week or so I have even noticed my pants getting a bit loose. They aren't falling off of me, but I feel like if I were a plumber I'd fit right in.. It is a little motivating nonetheless. When I look at myself I don't see any noticeable change, so at least this is something.
So why am I feeling in a funk? I wish I knew. I can't even tell if it is a funk over weight loss specifically or just a general life funk. Part of it seems like it could be that I have lots of life things in the works that I am 'working on' and the road ahead is long, and I won't get to check things off the list until a lot of work and progress is made. I have definite attention deficit tendencies so I am always looking to be excited and inspired and want to tackle things with gusto (and get the payoff with gusto!) and things I want are just not going to come to fruition so quickly. So what I see is endless work and trudging along, which isn't fun at all, but I know I need to do it.
I'm trying to earn my CPA so I can get a better job hopefully at the first part of next year. Ahead of me are 25-35 hours per week of studying. Expenses piling up from review programs and exam fees, kind of stresses me. Each day my job just annoys me more and more, I am SO READY for a change. I'm trying to lose weight and here we are month three and I am down only 10 out of like 160 pounds - this is going to take an eternity. I am impatient about wanting to start a family. I wish (I'm sure everyone on earth trying does too) that you could decide you are ready for a baby to come along and boom, here comes a baby. It isn't even like we've been very focused on trying for months and months, it is just my own impatience. Plus I would rather be much lighter when a baby comes along, I can hardly shut one of those paper gowns at the doctors office around my body as is, could you imagine if there were a pregnant belly on me as well? Too much. But I just want all these things to be happening now, without having to do all the hard work first...lol.
Long story short, being self disciplined is hard and I hate it right now.
When I quit crying and have a little better perspective on things, were this any other year, or me doing the same things I could be eating what I want and be 300 pounds right now, but I am not. I am 282.8, and that is a heck of a lot better than the alternative.
I feel ready to kick things into the next gear so starting today I am trying to eat more low carb in addition to staying in my calorie range. I really would like to get into the 270s before the month is over, so it is crunch time!
I'd also like to give a special shout out to this lovely lady on her birthday:
My Mom is truly an inspiration to me. She has struggled with her weight in the past and she just has the determination to do whatever she sets her mind to. She has lost like 30 or 40 pounds in the last couple of years. Was diagnosed with diabetes and now she is 100% off any medications and controls it with diet only. She is amazing and wonderful in way more ways beyond just health and I love her with all my heart. Wishing you a very happy birthday, Mom! <3
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