Okay, I was wrong, Now what?

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

I discussed how my ways of eating and not exercising were wrong in my last post. Now what?  I accept my wrongness, I have forgiven myself for all the years of 'abuse' I have put my system through.  Now it is time to move forward.

I took an honest inventory of my eating habits and asked 'why?' like an endlessly curious 5 year old.  I am speaking in past tense here, but I am speaking of the time period of adulthood through 2016, and parts of the current year when I have gotten off track from calorie counting.

I go to McDonalds every morning.  If I am being good, I get an egg mcmuffin and a large diet coke.  If I am treating myself, I get a bacon egg and cheese biscuit and a large diet coke.  During the worst of times, I would get a bacon egg and cheese biscuit AND a sausage egg and cheese mcgriddle with a large hazelnut iced coffee.  I distinctly remember the 'hell yeah, this is going to be awesome!' feeling as the bag was being handed to me through the window.  Now I think back and am like wow, are you serious?

So why? Why was this the morning routine?  It is easy, the drive thru is a 5 minute stop on my way to work, I don't even need to make a left turn to roll through there.  I don't have to get up much earlier, and it isn't any real strain on my budget.  I get a nice hot breakfast instead of some grab and go packaged processed food I'd have at home.  Plus this is protein - if I ate oatmeal or cereal at home, that is all carbs.  (See how convincing I can be?  lol)

Lunch at work is almost always fast food.  The few times I brought my lunch were never consistent and half the time my 'lunch from home' was restaurant leftovers from the night before - so not exactly health food.  At best, I'd bring snacks from home - something sugary, maaaaaybe a piece of fruit, and had a freezer stocked with lean cuisines that I'd eat through the week.  At worst, Little Caesars $5 lunch combo which is over 1500 calories of deep dish pepperoni pizza.  If not that, then a value meal always with an ice-cream or dessert.  I mean heck, sometimes I would pick a lunch spot I don't normally care for just because they have good dessert.

Why was this my lunch, I asked myself?  A good lunch will keep me full until dinner.  Prepacking lunches is so much planning and I never want to get up earlier in the morning to pack a lunch.  Plus I want to eat a hot lunch, pb&j isn't going to be satisfying.  Deli meats and prepackaged snacks aren't any more healthy than grabbing a burger.  Plus having a nice treat helps me get through the work day.

Dinner is my saving grace.  Dinner is the healthful meal because not only am I feeding myself, but also Aaron.  Let me tell you, Aaron loves to eat just as much as I do, and it is a rare day when I don't get the 'what's for dinner?' text before even lunchtime.  I love cooking and trying new recipes.  I love recreating dishes we love from restaurants or trips we've taken.  I love making Aaron his favorite things and seeing a near licked clean plate when I've really nailed it and made a great dish.  I don't like putting boundaries on dinner.  It feels like it is 'our time' together as a couple, unwinding from the day.  Dinner and bad TV were the catalysts to us falling in love, lol.  It is the canvas I try to turn into a masterpiece, and it is a daily love letter to my spouse.  So we pretty much eat anything, but I make sure we have a side of vegetables - that counts as healthy, right?

Let's think about dinner?  Truth be told, I don't think a lot of thoughts about dinner in a personal health sort of way.  I think about what sounds good, what haven't we had in a while, and what I have on hand.  I let my stomach be my guide - maybe this week I want enchiladas and roasted chicken, and the next I want paella and hot dogs.  There is no rhyme or reason other than I fancy myself a pretty good cook, so I want to be able to showcase and grow my talents.  Also, we get takeout 1-2 times a week usually.

The day ends with dessert.  This really feels like a non-negotiable part of who I am.  I will leave it at that.  End of day binges on treats will be a post for another day...

Oh, and the weekends - let us not forget about those.  I tend to think of the weekends as time to be footloose and fancy free, if you will.  I worked hard all week, after all.  We typically eat out all weekend and I will cook a good Sunday supper type meal on Sunday nights.  Someone will go pick up fast food breakfast or we will take a trip to IHOP or a super yum crepes place down the road.  We either have a big lunch or a big dinner, and eat fast food for the other meal.  If I am in the kitchen on the weekends, it is because I am baking something.  Usually cookies or a cake.

That was my diet.

What patterns can I see, having this all out in front of me?

1. I am a fast food junkie
2. I am a fast food junkie
3. I am a fast food junkie
4. I feel deserving or needing of a 'treat' extremely frequently
5. I like easy, efficient and fairly inexpensive solutions to feeding myself
6. The way I evaluate and justify food choices is nuts.  I never look at the big picture, but at what makes me the most happy right now.
7. I use work and having the 9-5 job as an excuse to take the easy route with food
8. I don't think anything I did was healthy in the slightest, yet I was under the impression that this 'wasn't that bad' of a way to be eating.

Am I missing anything?

Next steps will be hacking the patterns, stay tuned!


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